Dad : Graduated to Glory!

My dear Father-in-law graduated to glory on Saturday evening, March 15, 2014.  He was ready!  He never wanted to be an invalid or as he said it, "in-valid".  He worked hard to serve His Lord and he spent much of his time telling others about the peace and joy he found in his salvation.

When he left his worn out physical shack, he had his wife and six of his nine children with him.  He had times of alertness during the last few days.  He was able to acknowledge people and sometimes was able to say "yes" and "no".  He lived a long full life.  Those of us who were privileged to know him were blessed and encouraged.

His nickname growing up was "Sunny" and that he was.  He always had a big grin on his face, unless he was grading his students homework or tests and they weren't doing well.  That made him frustrated.  He always was in combat with the administration who wanted everybody to pass.  Bill just couldn't understand why he should pass someone who never did any work and only occasionally showed up.  He was part of that WWII generation who understood that you did what was right no matter what the personal cost was, and not just what you 'felt' like doing.  That was how he approached his own life and this caused him a lot of stress towards the end of his teaching career.

Dad really enjoyed all his grandchildren.  He loved to play games with them and to be silly.  He did insist that they follow the rules and get along, or he would put the game away.  He loved making silly faces when someone took pictures and would turn his glasses upside down or stick his tongue out.  I think he did it as much to tease Mom as anything.  He loved to play physical games.
Kickball was his absolute favorite.  Any time there were more than a half dozen adults or kids around he would try and get a game going.

He was never a grumpy old man.  I found him to be more cheerful as the years passed.  It was also sweet to see his and Mom's relationship grow closer as they aged.  It was neat to see God continuing to work in his life.  He desired to be an encouragement.  He didn't always know the best ways to say things, but neither do I!  He was faithful in praying for all his family and many others.  I knew through the years that I could count on my in-laws praying for me!  That is a blessing!!!!  They also were always very supportive of us as a family.  I know that we made decisions that they wondered about, but they never said a word of criticism and just kept praying.  What an example!

Dad and I grew much closer in our relationship when he was here in Cleveland to have heart surgery.  He had a number of  complications and what was supposed to be a 4-6 week recovery ended up being about 5 months.  I spent a lot of time with him at the hospital.  We had a lot of good talks.  With all the medications and illness, and time in the hospital, he sometimes was  a little confused.  One day he told the nurse that he had ten children, he only has nine, and I was thinking that he was confused again.  But then he gave me a big grin and turned to the nurse and told her that these were two of his daughters (It was Debbie and I).  He told me that he sometimes wondered about me, but I knew that he always prayed for me.  His hearts desire was to share the gospel with all that he met, and especially with prisoners in jail.  He held many many Bible Studies in prisons through the years.  He will be missed.

Mother and Daughter-in-Laws

I have a real burden to learn to be a godly older woman. To be a Titus 2 kind of friend to the younger women I know. I awoke this morning at 4:30 with this on my heart. I hope it can be an encouragement to both the younger and the older women.

I am truly blessed to have a godly mother-in-law that prays for me and encourages me. She loves to spend time with our children. She worked hard at raising nine children. She has a lot of wisdom. The question is, "Do I have the humility and security to allow her to teach me?"

I see a lot of young women who do not work at developing their relationship with their mother-in-law. They feel insecure and take what she says as judgment rather than encouragement. The mother-in-law is unsure how to proceed so she backs away, not wanting to further damage the relationship. Our mother-in-laws do have different ideas about how things should be done. That's OK. We need to listen and learn. We need to honor them. They have raised their son to be the fine man that we enjoy and appreciate as our husband. They have given us a gift. Yet it is so much easier to spend most of our time and emotional energy on our own family and leave out our in-laws.

How can we reach out to our in-laws if we have already closed them out? A letter is a good way to start. A thank-you note for raising our husbands with pictures of the children. Appreciation always is appropriate. Have the children write notes to them. When they reach out to us, we should listen and learn. They need encouragement too. Ask them questions and listen to their stories. The things you learn from them are a part of the spiritual heritage you can pass on to your own children. If you have in-laws that are believers, do you know their testimony? Who were the important people that influenced their lives? Remember, give them the benefit of the doubt. They are probably NOT trying to make your life miserable. If they say something that hurts your feelings, put yourself in their place and keep on communicating. Remember, they are putting up with you and your imperfections too.

If you have an out of control in-law, have your husband deal with them primarily, they are his parents. He will need to set boundaries. Continue to pray for them, no matter what. Obviously, sexual predators and violent people will not have access to the children. But this would be an extreme, uncommon situation. In-laws that tear down your family values or are unsupportive of your choices in a vocal way should only have supervised visits with the children. Again, your husband should be the one communicating these limits.

Try and grow your relationship with your in-laws. Include them in your life. Encourage them to spend time with the children. Make regular visits to them and encourage your husband to keep up his communication with them. You will be blessed with a great friend, if you learn to love your mother-in-law. She is someone who wants to see you succeed as a wife and mother. Sometimes she is feeling insecure and doesn't want to step in when she feels unwelcome. It is almost always appropriate for the daughter-in-law to ask for her m-i-l's input and include her in your family life. You will be glad you did.

~Mom

PS I will write another post soon on being a proper mother-in-law. I want to remember my thoughts for when the time comes for me to step into that role.